Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A CHALLENGE TO MEN





This morning I woke before everyone else as usual and I began to read the international news. I was rather surprised to find that the news of the India’s rape victim had fallen from the headlines and barely ranked higher than the announcement of Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy with Kanye West’s baby.  Somewhere far below I found an article about another victim of gang rape in India who committed suicide after she was raped. The police formally responded to her case 14 days after it was reported. The police arrested the suspects she’d named only after her death.

In addition to many sweet messages of support from women, after my last entry I received many messages from women who confessed that they too had been victims of sexual assault. Some of the messages detailed years of repeated instances by one perpetrator or various assaults by various perpetrators. One woman said she thought for the longest time that it was just normal. Several told me that their molesters or rapists were immediate family members. Some told me that women that they trusted participated or looked the other way.

Perhaps one of the biggest disappointments was that so few men responded. I don’t know if it was because the issue makes them feel ashamed or if they feel that it is not their cause. (Men are rape victims too) I asked my husband to read my entry and later found him with his hands in his face sitting over my computer, devastated. My oldest brother with whom I had shared my story several years ago responded with sadness and an indication that this is a subject for which he is already broadening his horizons by reading and learning. Only one of my male Twitter followers responded after I challenged men to comment. His comments were heartfelt and concerned for society. Perhaps the most touching was a young man in Tibet who has a strong social awareness for human rights issues and gave his support by re-posting my blog. We need men to be involved in this issue. We need men who are brave and willing to add a strong voice but most importantly we all need to recognize that we have the power to  lessen the incidence of sexual abuse not only in countries like India but in our own.

I did have the good fortune to speak to a Bangladeshi comedian known as Solaiman Shukhon (https://www.facebook.com/Shukhonz) who has done a fabulous job of using social networking such as Facebook and Twitter to send a strong message about human rights and sexual abuse. When I asked Solaiman where the change needs to start he replied simply, “We need to educate men first”. When I asked him if change could occur quickly he replied that sadly it would take generations. Shukhon also discussed the responsibility we have to our daughters to lead them to a status of equality. He said that it was his love for his daughter that helped him understand this responsibility. We need more men like Solaiman in this world.

Today in the US we are teetering on the edge of what we have come to know as the “fiscal cliff”. Our nation is still finding its footing after the tragic school shooting at Sandy Hook. We are slowly recovering from a devastating financial crisis that was felt globally. We however simply cannot use these issues as an excuse to put sexual abuse on the back burner. The gang rape that took the life of the 23 year old woman in India is not an isolated case and this sort of violence does not occur only in countries far from us on the other side of the world. They happen in our country, our cities and our homes. When a teenage girl takes her own life in India due to the shame of rape, it really is not just a nameless, faceless girl, its one step closer to being your daughter, your sister, your niece. Don’t delude yourself with denial.

I have come to think of misfortune in spiritual terms. Misfortune can be a tremendous gift. It comes to us as an opportunity to grow, to become empathetic and it comes with a responsibility. Experiencing misfortune presents us with the occupation of becoming a guardian to those who come after us. We can use the experience of being brought to our knees by grief to see others more completely and to guide them to safety. If we don’t acknowledge misfortune and utilize it in this way it is nothing more than tragedy. Fear and helplessness empowers our attackers, action emasculates.

At the end of our conversation this morning Solaiman Shukhon imparted a few more words of wisdom. He said, “These little things, these conversations, these tweets, these blog entries, they help. If one person reads them it makes a difference. A conversation in Missouri can be felt on my side of the world.” I agree with Solaiman. If you find yourself tempted to discuss Kanye West’s “baby mama”, Kim Kardashian, stop yourself and lend a moment of your time to something worthy like the tragic death of a 23 year old girl in India.


If you would like to discuss human rights issues or the empowerment of women in your country, I will happily exchange email or call you at your convenience. Please email me at kcikeizer@comcast.net.
As always if you are a victim of sexual abuse and need help or would like to learn more about preventing sexual abuse please visit http://www.rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources. 



13 comments:

  1. This was incredibly moving. Thank you so much for this post Ingrid. You're so right. I never thought of it quite like that before. The misfortune is not the tragedy. The tragedy is when we fail to utilize what we've learned from the misfortune. This mode of thought can be applied to everything. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and thoughts. This has definitely changed my perspective.

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  3. Jamie, please ignore my prior post..i followed your comment to another blog that I thought was yours. Is this Jamie my Indo friend? Regardless, thank you for taking the time to read my entry and commenting. I truly appreciate it!

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  4. Thank you for your post. Although my issue is nowhere close to the abuse women in India receive and the tolerance Indian customer service staff has towards 'digital violence' when they are supposed to be dealing with it on behalf of western companies.
    I have been digging into the issue of 'digital sexual violence' and my research has led me to a connection between India's abuse of women and Facebook's apathy regarding digital threats and graphic violence. 2 days ago somebody posted photoshopped "she needs to be raped" picture of me, looking like I had serious injuries, just because I criticized rape-humor page.
    A similar image of a man was removed immediately after the man on the image reported it (his said "there is no stopping the rape train") but Facebook rejected my complaints FOUR times before the news hit the local press and hundreds of people hit the report button.
    My point is that this 'local' Indian problem is becoming a Global problem under our very noses and it is seriously affecting the life of women all over the world, online and offline.

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. I understand your frustration regarding sexual violence and it's prevalence everywhere. Do you think that part of the digital violence that you are seeing is also cowardice? The internet is a safe way for a coward to act out.

      I want to believe that all of these terrible reports have the potential to truly implement change. These conversations are so important.

      I'm eager to learn more about you and the work that you do. I don't know how to find you on facebook but feel free to send me an invite at https://www.facebook.com/ingrid.keizerwilson. I look forward to more discussion!

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  5. Yes! I'm agree with the respective brother Shukonz, thats why I shared his video on my facebook profile with my own message.

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    1. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I'm pleased that you re-posted! I'm so happy that you are part of the solution.

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  6. Thank you so much for the writing! It is awesome! After i read your article, i came to learn that the misfortune is ignorance. I felt that to try to give awareness is the most important thing at the moment.
    I believe that all men and women have dignities and compassion but they have been hidden inside. So we need the wake up their soul and open their eyes to the tragedy.

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    1. Than you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to have your feedback. I have looked for you on Facebook and there are many people with your name. Please feel free to send me a an invite on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ingrid.keizerwilson. I hope that we can share more ideas together.

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  7. As usual, you're right on point, Ingrid. We need a host of women to get involved in governing. Education and change have to start at the roots...daring legislators who are not afraid to speak up and pass legislation on women's rights as well as on humanity in all its forms (no matter in what part of the world!). Research has shown that women legislators have an impact on the content and style of governing so, for the sake of all of us, elect women! Women in government who reflect our values and our rights.

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  8. Ladies and Gentleman.."Priscilla Kluge McMullen" one of my heroes! Priscilla is a Animal Rights Activist and a Human Rights Activist. Learn more about her work at http://www.worldanimal.net/, http://www.aap.nl/index.php, http://www.unitedplanet.org/. I don't know how she has time to breathe. As always, thank you for your encouragement and support.

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  9. Power of social network: I found several of my friends sharing Shukhon's video blog and watched it. Then I went to his profile, and found the link to your blog. I completely agree with both you and Shukhon, Ingrid. Men do need to be involved, and educated as well. Also, there's no point in burying your head in the sand and thinking that this doesn't happen around you. Around the time that the Delhi rape took place, I came across a blog entry of a woman who was abused when she was in university. She was drugged and raped, and it all happened in the campus; the rapist was in the same university. She did not get the justice she deserved from the university authorities. The culprit wasn't even expelled! And it all happened in the US. I don't remember the name of the university. I also learned that rape in university campuses is a pretty common phenomenon in the US. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement.

    It doesn't matter if you're a Bangladeshi, or an Indian, or even an American. Women aren't safe anywhere. If we really do want to create a safe environment for our children (both daughters and sons), we as a society have to work towards it, and that definitely includes men.

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  10. You are right Sumaiya, rape is an issue in all countries. Social networking does provide a powerful mode of conversation that allows women and men who want to make a difference to do so. The death of the young woman in India as tragic as it was has opened the eyes of so many people but the attention is already dieing off. We have to keep the conversation alive. Thank you so much for reading my blog.

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